Friday, December 13, 2013

sunshine, daisies, blue skies, and ANTIBIOTICS

I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling.
I am at a loss of words (in a mostly GOOD way!). *giggle giggle*
I started a new chapter of healing yesterday.
I looked in a different direction.
I put my faith into something I was unsure of merely 24 hours earlier.
I jumped without looking first.
I took off my training wheels & put the pedal to the metal. 
I started antibiotics yesterday.
I finally broke through the barrier I put up between myself & those pills.
For some reason, in my mind, antibiotics always = FAILURE.
I finally convinced myself that taking antibiotics DOES NOT mean I'm giving up.
Taking antibiotics DOES NOT mean I failed.
Starting these drugs DOES NOT mean I royally screwed up. 
Antibiotics are a push that I need. Antibiotics are help I've been too scared to ask for
I thought that because I had eaten Lyme-happy foods that I didn't deserve the antibiotics.
The ONLY thing that drove me to ask for the extra help? An evening on cloud nine.
I was invited to a get-together by a very darling friend of mine, Susan Green. 
She hosted a lovely dinner for the incredible, inspirational, Lyme-fighting, bike-loving, bearer of hope, John Donnally. He just completed a two-month cycling adventure that consisted of 4,000 miles across country to raise money for Lyme Disease Awareness: $50,000 DOLLARS!!!!!!!! (Here's a link to his wonderful story ❤)
I was in a lot of pain that day & worried I wouldn't be able to make the drive out to Susan's house so my dad came with me. (THANK YOU, DAD!!!!!!!) 
We stepped foot into her house & were immediately embraced by warmth & positive energy. I knew something unforgettable was about to take place.
Along with the pleasure of seeing dear Susan again, I was given the opportunity to meet a whole group of other warm-hearted individuals, several of which were very close to my age! 
Being able to talk to someone 22 years of age who is sadly going through the exact same crap as me, fighting the same relentless bugs as me, running away from the same darkness as me.... It was surreal. It was a connection I will never forget
After that night, after that unbelievably tight bond, I knew. 
I knew this could be beaten.
I knew I would eventually make it to the other side.
I knew I could get to a better place.
I knew "CAREFREE"would make its way into my vocabulary. 
I knew I would stop at NOTHING to be well.
I knew achieving wellness was my top priority & nothing was going to change that. 
I knew the impossible was possible.
I left the event that night knowing things would be different from then on.
I didn't care how it would affect me in school.
I knew that if I didn't get a strong grip on these bugs now while I had the chance to live at home & get help from my family, I may never have another chance. 
The time is NOW. 
I refuse to let my fears get the best of me. 
I'm going to take these antibiotics & FORCE them to work via positive energy.
My body will follow my mind.
In the meantime, I will keep my eyes on the target & I will keep moving forward.
In other words, 
❤Get lost in my favorite books on taxidermy, the plastic in the ocean, Stephen King horror awesomeness...
Forget what day of the week it is after spending three hours completing a complex rubber band bracelet.
❤Cross my fingers & experiment with juicing. 
❤Get excited about a new bottle of probiotics. 
❤Suspect Santa stopped by early this year when a brand new pair of COMPRESSION SOCKS showed up at my front door. 
❤Shed tears of joy when I think about being one step closer to getting my two-year degree. 
❤Spend any pennies I've got lying around on more Epsom salt & baking soda to fulfill my craving for DETOXING
❤Choose SLEEP over exercise. 
❤Go crazy with stickers on FB messenger. 
❤Listen to more classical music than I'd like to admit.
❤Watch enough Supernatural to add "hunter" to my resume. 
Who said killing bugs can't be FUN?

PS Another blog post is coming soon!

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