Tuesday, December 31, 2013

2013 ends on a lovely note

My plan was to post AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE throughout the month of December. 
A post every couple of days maybe.
I wanted to get as many hits as I could before the new year started.
I was hoping to maybe get another follower, too, if possible.
and I couldn't be happier about it.
Life had a surprise in store for me. 
A very special gift.
No, it wasn't wrapped up like a present under the Christmas tree.
No, I didn't find it in my stocking.
No, it's not something that can be bought.
No, it doesn't have a price.
I'm talking about something better.
Something DIFFERENT.
I'm talking about something invisible to the naked eye.
I'm talking about something you can't see from outer space.
I'm talking about something you can't measure.
I'm talking about something you can't explain.
I'm talking about LOVE.
The best medicine out there. 
The magic behind my smile.
The motivation I need to follow through with Lyme treatment/annoying alarms for pills every few hours.
The distraction I need from the curveballs my body throws at me.
The one thing I was missing.
I didn't know LOVE could be so healing.
I didn't know love was the missing link in my treatment plan.
I didn't know love would be the voice in my head, telling me to eat chicken instead of potato chips or cheese or bread or sugar. 
Am I READY for love?
Of course I am.
I don't want to over-think this.
I don't want to do what I do best; run away from affection.
I want to prove myself wrong.
I want to show myself there's nothing wrong with being afraid of love but that if love knocks on your door, run to the door as fast as you can & embrace that love with OPEN ARMS!
Don't run away from happiness, you goof!!!!! 
Don't be scared you aren't good enough.
Don't be scared your body will destroy the magic.
Just breathe & be YOURSELF, food issues/twitches/tummy aches/sore joints/sweating/dates interrupted/tiredness included.  
You are allowed to be HAPPY, no matter what foods are/are not on your dinner plate.  
Now that we've discussed the importance of love, 
get out there & SEIZE the day!!!!! 
The very last day of 2013! 
What to do, what to do.....
Cook some soup?
Make some zucchini pasta?
Do some yoga?
Read a book?
Watch a movie?
Wear your fuzzy bathrobe around the house?
Sing in the shower?
Wear your favorite compression socks?
Get lost in the Twilight Zone?
Take a salt bath?
Smile a million times?
Make SCD goodies?
Go shopping for a New Years Eve outfit?
I'm sure you'll think of something.
Lots & lots of love, 
PS Seriously though; what are your plans? Anything special?

Sunday, December 15, 2013

Just when you thought you would settle for "mediocre"

Just when you thought you would settle for "mediocre"
Just when you figured you'd just say "ok"
Just when you feared things may never change
IT happens. 
Life happens.
Something happens that catches you off guard & forces you to reconsider your original assumptions. 
When you aren't looking. 
When you're distracted & suddenly no longer consumed with analyzing every second of every day. 
That's when IT happens. 
When your eyes are shut for that one split second.
When you change your focus from the target taunting you up ahead.
When you look down & your heart follows, leaving you in a dark place.
That THING happens.
In the midst of all the crap being thrown at you.
When you're exhausted from all the little ticks/miniature seizures
When you're tired of the loud & obnoxious screaming coming from your hips.
When you're ready for a date on your social calendar that doesn't involve four hours with an IV.
When you've hit a brick wall eating the same three foods every day. 
When you no longer can distinguish up from down
When you fear your best friend is your bathtub.
That is when this miraculous occurrence HAPPENS. 
I made it through another semester of school.
The hardest one on record.
The first time since my year at Frostburg that I truly feared I'd have to drop my classes.
It's not even that I lose interest in learning. 
It's not that I don't like school.
It's not that I don't want to commit.
My life just spontaneously clouds up sometimes & everything becomes a blur! 
I struggle, sometimes literally & sometimes figuratively, to get everything straight in my brain (gotta love Lyme brain fog!). 
THAT makes school really really challenging at times. 
Or maybe I just started a new protocol & it requires taking pills at odd, random, hard-to-remember times of the day & that can get exhausting! 
I was hoping I would make it to the end of the semester without having to pull the plug & I DID
I can't exactly tell you how I did. 
I can't say there's a magic mixture for success.
I can't explain how I overcame those days riddled with pain & no pain-killers while I had papers due. 
I don't have an explanation but it happened. 
It just happened & I am beyond ECSTATIC about it!!!! 
I'm ready for the next crazy task
I'm not afraid to fight.
I won't shy away from a challenge
War paint & boxing gloves don't scare me.
I fear they'll be taken from me by these evil little bugs.
My next goal is to even out the playing field. 
My next goal is to be just as comfortable with success as I am with a fight. 
It'd be nice to put on some earrings & a necklace instead of war paint for once. 
Keep fighting the fight. 
That THING will happen someday when you least expect it. 
, Allie

Friday, December 13, 2013

sunshine, daisies, blue skies, and ANTIBIOTICS

I don't know what to say.
I don't know what to think.
I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling.
I am at a loss of words (in a mostly GOOD way!). *giggle giggle*
I started a new chapter of healing yesterday.
I looked in a different direction.
I put my faith into something I was unsure of merely 24 hours earlier.
I jumped without looking first.
I took off my training wheels & put the pedal to the metal. 
I started antibiotics yesterday.
I finally broke through the barrier I put up between myself & those pills.
For some reason, in my mind, antibiotics always = FAILURE.
I finally convinced myself that taking antibiotics DOES NOT mean I'm giving up.
Taking antibiotics DOES NOT mean I failed.
Starting these drugs DOES NOT mean I royally screwed up. 
Antibiotics are a push that I need. Antibiotics are help I've been too scared to ask for
I thought that because I had eaten Lyme-happy foods that I didn't deserve the antibiotics.
The ONLY thing that drove me to ask for the extra help? An evening on cloud nine.
I was invited to a get-together by a very darling friend of mine, Susan Green. 
She hosted a lovely dinner for the incredible, inspirational, Lyme-fighting, bike-loving, bearer of hope, John Donnally. He just completed a two-month cycling adventure that consisted of 4,000 miles across country to raise money for Lyme Disease Awareness: $50,000 DOLLARS!!!!!!!! (Here's a link to his wonderful story ❤)
I was in a lot of pain that day & worried I wouldn't be able to make the drive out to Susan's house so my dad came with me. (THANK YOU, DAD!!!!!!!) 
We stepped foot into her house & were immediately embraced by warmth & positive energy. I knew something unforgettable was about to take place.
Along with the pleasure of seeing dear Susan again, I was given the opportunity to meet a whole group of other warm-hearted individuals, several of which were very close to my age! 
Being able to talk to someone 22 years of age who is sadly going through the exact same crap as me, fighting the same relentless bugs as me, running away from the same darkness as me.... It was surreal. It was a connection I will never forget
After that night, after that unbelievably tight bond, I knew. 
I knew this could be beaten.
I knew I would eventually make it to the other side.
I knew I could get to a better place.
I knew "CAREFREE"would make its way into my vocabulary. 
I knew I would stop at NOTHING to be well.
I knew achieving wellness was my top priority & nothing was going to change that. 
I knew the impossible was possible.
I left the event that night knowing things would be different from then on.
I didn't care how it would affect me in school.
I knew that if I didn't get a strong grip on these bugs now while I had the chance to live at home & get help from my family, I may never have another chance. 
The time is NOW. 
I refuse to let my fears get the best of me. 
I'm going to take these antibiotics & FORCE them to work via positive energy.
My body will follow my mind.
In the meantime, I will keep my eyes on the target & I will keep moving forward.
In other words, 
❤Get lost in my favorite books on taxidermy, the plastic in the ocean, Stephen King horror awesomeness...
Forget what day of the week it is after spending three hours completing a complex rubber band bracelet.
❤Cross my fingers & experiment with juicing. 
❤Get excited about a new bottle of probiotics. 
❤Suspect Santa stopped by early this year when a brand new pair of COMPRESSION SOCKS showed up at my front door. 
❤Shed tears of joy when I think about being one step closer to getting my two-year degree. 
❤Spend any pennies I've got lying around on more Epsom salt & baking soda to fulfill my craving for DETOXING
❤Choose SLEEP over exercise. 
❤Go crazy with stickers on FB messenger. 
❤Listen to more classical music than I'd like to admit.
❤Watch enough Supernatural to add "hunter" to my resume. 
Who said killing bugs can't be FUN?

PS Another blog post is coming soon!