What I've had to give up

Before you met me, this was my passion. 

Before you met me, I dropped out of college after attending Frostburg State University freshman year. 

Before you met me, I had all my ducks in a row; I was going to school as a Wildlife major to become a park ranger or wildlife biologist.

Before you met me, I had my life all figured out. 

Before you met me, I was carefree.   

When you met me, I had to give this up. All of it, right down to the very last itty bitty silver measuring spoon. After I left Frostburg State, I scrambled to find an activity to take up my time. I wasn’t well enough to be in school, I was too sick to have a job.... Why not bake?! In the winter of 2010, I launched my private baking business, 

ItMakesMeHappyBakingCo. 

❤

Throughout the entire month of December in 2010, I baked. I baked for 17 hours each day. I slept on the couch in the room off the kitchen when I finally found my way to some sleep. I put my heart & soul into it. I handmade every cookie, every cupcake, every scone, every biscotti, every pie, every truffle, every everything. Everything was baked from scratch. I was hooked up with all the proper baking equipment; anything baking-related found its way under the Christmas tree or in my hands on my birthday. My kitchen cabinets were filled with...

-cupcake pans

-madeline pans

-mini bundt pans

-frosting pastry bags

-frosting tips (big & small)

-frosting machine thing (I’d rather use a pastry bag!)

-fondant tools (a whole box full of utensils) 

-cupcake liners

-spatulas

-cookie dough scoopers (never used them; made cookies by hand!)

-sprinkles of ALL shapes & sizes

-sugars (little crystals & big fat decorative ones, too)

-chocolate chips (a bag for cookies in the cabinet at all times)

-confectioner’s sugar

-brown sugar

-vanilla extract

-donut pans (mini & regular-sized)

-a cookie press

-an (AWESOME) amazing kitchen-aid mixer

-a little tool to check for doneness (commercially known as a cake tester)

-cookie cutters of all shapes & sizes, literally.... (black cat.dog bone.blue whale.mitten.bunny rabbit.scaredy cat.teddy bear.2 different christmas trees.cupcake. moose.carrot.small & medium & large ruffle-edged heart.angel.peas in a pod.3 different gingerbread men.shooting star.pineapple. bell.7 different snowflakes.hammer.ghost. four-leaf clover.foot.bat.dragonfly.maple leaf.2 different pumpkins.christmas stocking.turkey.candy cane.hand with a heart in the middle.a sheep with a little heart.snowman.apple.acorn.6 more different hearts.2 stars*phew!!*)

Baking was my identity. When the rug got pulled out from underneath me, baking was all I knew. Rewriting my story meant exploring my other interests besides wildlife. The next best thing was baking! This fascination only lasted a short period of time though. It wasn’t before long that I realized handling flour wasn’t going to work for me, no matter how much I wanted it to. Red hot knees/hands/feet, swollen body, swollen eyelid, a body on fire from the inside out. 

I soon feared it became time to rewrite my story again. ✐

That’s when you come in. I branched out. I shoved my way through the pile of emotional rubble that kept me prisoner & I found a way to make my unfamiliar situation, familiar. 

Now, I blog; I’ve been blogging for over two years now. I’ve got 58 lovely followers & I’m just shy of 20,000 views. Shortly after starting this blog, I began running a support page on facebook: the SCD Support Group Page. It’s currently reached 1,868 likes.

And now here I am. Blogging to you today, telling you there’s a lot more to me than “Souper Douper SCDer”. I’m more than this “http” address. Yes, it’s a very large part of who I am. But my past is something completely different & I wanted to share it with you. I wanted you to see the whole picture, not just the pretty parts I post here. 

I have ideas of who I’ll become. My heros, the first ladies to shine some light on my darkness,

-Elana Amsterdam from “Elana’s Pantry” 

-Erica from “Comfy Belly”

give me an endless supply of hope that I’ll find my way no matter what’s sitting on my dinner plate. 

I’m no longer afraid to rewrite my story. But, I still find myself hesitating to hold my breath. I still feel the ground is uneasy beneath me. I cross my fingers, hoping that won’t be true much longer. I’m holding on to what I know to be true & slowly moving forward with an open mind & a strong heart.

If my future includes a career in the park service, I’ll love what I do & never work a day in my life. If my path leads me into a zoo or aquarium, I’ll spread my passion for wildlife among cheerful visitors & I’ll give the animals all the love in my heart. If I find myself digging & searching for the next ancestral ruin, I’ll smile from cheek to cheek from sunrise until sunset. Either way, I’ll know in my heart that I poured my soul into this journey & wherever I end up is where I was meant to be.

What I’ve had to give up will ALWAYS be a part of me. But I don’t have to let it haunt me. I can find other things that make me happy. I can enjoy unfamiliar things & make the best out of a clean slate. I can still love life. 

XOXOXOX

Allie