I'd like to invite you over to my house to enjoy a refreshing fruit smoothie but you'd wind up eating a bun-less hamburger with sauerkraut instead.
I'd like to say I'm going down to the city tonight to partay all night long but I'll probably snuggle up in bed with a book on my lap instead.
I'd like to tell you I'm excited about returning to school again this Fall but I'd much rather run away to Yellowstone Natl. Park instead.
I'd love to tell you I have the energy of any normal 21 year-old but I actually keep things calm instead.
I'd really like to see if you want to go for a 8-mile run with me but I'll probably opt out & go for a short walk instead.
I'd love to live in the middle of nowhere but I'll probably live near a grocery store instead.
I'd love to spend the rest of my free time in a hot yoga studio but I'll probably choose a more relaxing, less taxing form of yoga instead.
I'd like to tell you I'll blend in with the crowd but I'll end up being the only one eating chicken soup for dinner instead.
When you have Chronic Lyme Disease or any other chronic bacterial infection, you don't live like the Romans do. You don't walk the walk, or talk the talk. You don't fly by the seat of your pants. You don't lose track of time or forget what day it is. You can't afford to be aloof. You can't ignore what's right in front of you.
When you're in a flare, it's all about commitment. It's about setting alarms on your phone so you don't forget to take your morning & evening supplements. It's about drinking plenty of lemon water to help flush out the toxins stuck in your body. It's about sleeping when your body says so because it needs to heal. It's about eliminating as much stress as possible to increase your chances of exiting this flare. Your body takes all your attention.
It's not about
If we're acting like a plate of scrambled eggs or a wiggly bowl of jello, it's not intentional. We don't mean to confuse you with our whacky emotions or our ridiculous insecurities!! We're trying to be comfortable in our skin. We're constantly learning how to love ourselves despite what we feel. It's a full-time job & sometimes we need a break! Walking around with a smile on our face can be helpful & harmful. At times, we just need to let it out! SCREAM at the top of our lungs. Say, "I HATE THIS!! WHY MUST THINGS BE SO DAMN DIFFICULT!". The only time you'll hear us blurting out things of that hostile nature? During a flare. When we're in remission, you couldn't tell the difference between me & the next girl. I eat, she eats. I play, she plays. I laugh, she laughs. I wear dresses, she wears dresses. Where's the disconnect? A-ha! See, it's much harder to find when we're well.
The key to coping with a flare? Do whatever you can to be happy as often as possible. Pick up a wickedly stellar book to dive into. Search Netflix for a new action-packed Bruce Willis movie! Go sit on a bench by the local lake & watch the geese come & go. Start crocheting a colorful scarf. Light a few candles & take a luxurious Epsom salt bath. Call up your best friend to catch up on the "other side of life". Don't, whatever you do, RUN AWAY FROM YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS. That won't do anyone any good. You need to be around others to heal. If they ask you to hang out? Don't run & hide!!! PLEASE DO NOT! Like I said in my last post, just because you're sick does not mean you aren't worthy of love & affection & socialization. Find the group of people you can be YOURSELF around. A bunch of friends you can comfortably cry in front of or flat out vent in front of. You do that? They're the right ones for you. And the best part is, when you're with them, you'll be too happy to even consider crying or venting. It'll happen less & less when they're around because you'll be distracted & happy. And that's how it's supposed to be!
I'm working on practicing what I preach. To my friends who might be reading this, I want to hang out with you! If I don't feel well, I'd still love the company. Don't let me say no! :) To my family members who might be reading this, I want to see you! I especially must not let how I feel get in the way of our family get-togethers. ;)
Life is too short to miss out on all the fun. I won't be a victim anymore! For those of you who struggle with a bacterial infection or from a number of other autoimmune disease like Crohns (the path I followed that led me to where I am today), you deserve to have fun, too!!!!!!!!!! Don't be a victim! Let yourself be a fighter! We can put war paint on our faces together. :) As for the rest of you lovely people, thanks for not abandoning us of a "different species". There aren't words to accurately describe how grateful we are.
p.s. Yes yes, the "killing herbs"! A clue? One of them has a street name; Cat's claw.