time to get CREATIVE!

I'm an only child. 

I'm EXTREMELY close to my parents.

They're teaching me everything I need to know in order to be a good mommy someday.  

My mom always used to say to me, "You can't hit your kid then say I'm sorry". 

Hitting your kid is not an option. Once you hit your kid, there's no turning back. Apologizing won't fix it like a funny movie fixes any night on which you've studied your BUTT off for an anatomy exam (or history, or math, or chemistry, any subject for that matter). ;)

Where am I going with this? 

"You can't eat gluten/sugar/bacteria-fueling foods then say I'm sorry". 

That, like hitting, is something that cannot be undone. 

It's a song that cannot be unsung. 

It's a marathon that cannot be unrun (making up words here...!). 

It's popcorn that cannot be unpopped. 

It's a jack that cannot be unhammered. 

It's a peanut that cannot be unbuttered. 
It's a bean that cannot be unstalked. 
You catchin' my drift? :P 
If you're struggling to stick to safe foods, ☞ASK FOR HELP☜. 
Don't be scared off by the SCD.
Use it to your advantage. 
Don't get lost in the idea that you'll be fine in a couple of days. 
Chances are, you won't be. 
SO, have stuff like ALMOND MILK!!!! ALMOND FLOUR BISCUITS!!!! SCRAMBLED EGGS!!!! CREAM OF BROCCOLI SOUP!!! SUPER RIPE BANANA ICE CREAM!!!! ROASTED CARROTS!!!! ROTISSERIE CHICKEN!!!! A GRASS-FED BURGER!!!! BUTTERNUT SQUASH FRENCH FRIES!!!! ZUCCHINI PASTA!!!! 
We all know people eat for pleasure before they eat because they're hungry. 
For us, eating soup all the time isn't exactly something to jump up & down about... 
I mean, YES! It heals us; we KNOW that. But that doesn't make eating it all the time any easier. 
We have to be able to have fun, too! Our "Ben & Jerry's banana split" on a Friday night has to be something more along the lines of a delicious bowl of banana ice cream or maybe an egg souffle with cinnamon if fruit isn't working right now. 
THIS IS SO HARD SOMETIMES. 
Don't let yourself forget you're only human. 
I tend to do that A LOT.... 
I forget I'm just a girl trying to heal through diet & that I'M NOT A ROBOT.NEITHER ARE YOU!!!!!! 
It's funny. I guess in that respect I'm perfectly normal!!!! I struggle with my emotions sometimes if I'm frustrated with my illness or something & every single thread of my body wants to drown it out in a bowl of ice cream. But that's not an option for ANY of us, is it?  
And then I think about some of the darling people I've met around the world. 
These people who are trying to heal are mothers to three children, fathers trying to support a family, full-time workers/students with no free time... 
These people don't have MILLIONS OF DOLLARS floating around, nor do they have a boatload of downtime to prepare all these SCD foods. Buying organic whole foods is expensive!!!! Buying supplements is costly!!! And if they eat the wrong food, their life gets tossed into the mix. Their children are negatively affected. Their job is affected. Their happiness is affected. Their lover/partner for life is affected. Everything about them is affected. It's not an isolated incident. The problems from eating the wrong food have the power to dismantle your whole life, from top to bottom. 
I'm going to make it my top priority to post more recipes so this journey can be easier for you. That's what I want to do. I want to be a helping hand when you're feeling hopeless. 
This isn't all about me. I started this blog to HELP YOU. I want to make you feel better as you ride this ridiculously unpredictable roller coaster. 
Now, I have found this blog to be therapeutic for me BUT I don't want you to miss out on any of the healing benefits I'm trying to give out. 
Let's do this TOGETHER. 
Let's come up with things to eat together! Two minds are better than one right? 
I just made my second batch of almond milk so I'll put together a post for that. I also made almond flour (blanched almond flour) biscuits a few weeks ago. I'll include those in the post as well. 
What are some things you'd like me to experiment with? I'll do all the "test cooking" for you. I'll save you the trouble. 
I WANT YOU TO SUCCEED. 
So if you're still awake right now, when you head to bed, start dreaming up some SCD concoctions you'd like me to try. I'll put on my chef hat & get to work! 
:) 
Smile, guys. Healing naturally is a complicated process but it can be done. 
LOTS OF ENDLESS LOVE, 
Allie
❤
(if you have any thoughts about foods or possible recipes or exciting ideas, please don't hesitate to leave them in a comment or in an email! Let's get some variety on your dinner plate) 
;) 

The secret to wellness

I can't really put my finger on it but... something is different. SomeTHING has changed.

No more tears greeting me in the morning or sending me to bed at night. 

No more trips to the gym that last four hours or more.

No more "ugly talks" with myself at every turn. 

No more 100%-dependency on compression socks.

No more hiding. 

No more screaming. 

No more "I can't". 

No more "I won't".

No more mind games. 

No more days spent tucked under the covers in bed, crawled up in a ball, sobbing my eyes out from the bodily pain.

No more pain pills, not that I ever took them anyway; now I don't even acknowledge their existence. 

No more ridiculous ultimatums. 

No more "limitations"; these dietary/lifestyle restrictions give me access to my FREEDOM.

I can't tell you I'm certain I killed all the bugs.

I can't tell you I'm completely pain/fatigue-free. 

I can't tell you I'm certain this isn't all from an autoimmune disease in ACTUALITY, not just the Lyme. 

I can't tell you I'm certain that this cycle will ever end & that I'll be able to eat freely. 

I don't have all the answers. 

I'm still looking but I'm no longer fixated on finding these truths.

I'm still doing everything in my power to get WELL but I'm living my life in the meantime. 

❤School.

❤Part-time work.

❤A relationship.

❤Cooking.

❤Baking.

❤Bracelet-making.

❤Internship applications 

at zoos. 

❤College applications for this Fall. 

❤Friday movie-nights.

❤A quick dip in the swimming pool. 

❤Coming across GLUTEN-FREE 

lip balm. 

❤Singing in the car along with my 

favorite tunes. 

❤Texting all my cousins to say 

"I LOVE YOU". 

❤Skyping with my friends in 

Germany & Australia. 

❤Sending a letter to someone like we 

used to in the 

old days pre-TECHNOLOGY OVERLOAD. 

❤Going for a walk. 

❤Trying to cook rice & failing 

multiple times. 

❤Wiping the snow off of my fuzzy 

little pooch's paws. 

❤Lying on my red-checked couch. 

❤Getting giggly over my 

electric toothbrush.

These things are just as, if not MORE, important than the nutritional/supplemental side of healing. Without these, you have nothing. Wellness is a combination of proper nutrition, vitamins (if necessary & tolerated), AND a colorful life with laughter & hiccups & burnt rice.  

If you have boundaries you aren't comfortable crossing yet, that's fine!! Stick with what you know. 

If that means a strict version of the SCD, go for it! 

If you're ready to step out of your comfort zone but you still want to adhere to the SCD,

try going online & searching Comfy Belly!!!! She has some positively FABULOUS SCD recipes you will love!!! 

You just have to find ways to cope. That's the bottom line. I'd be lying if I didn't tell you I was in pain as I wrote this post. But instead of focusing on the pain, I'm wearing my favorite pair of pajama pants & I'm blasting Justin Timberlake throughout the house. 

☞You gotta learn how to cope.☜

Do whatever it takes. 

That's the secret to wellness.

If it means taking a nap, do it. 

If it means painting your toes & preparing for summer, do it. 

If it means taking a hot Epsom salt bath three days a week, do it. 

This DOES NOT go away over night. 

SO, find a way to live your life around these limitations. 

Don't stop living while you're waiting for your body to heal. Do them together. 

HEAL AND LIVE AT THE SAME TIME.  

We're halfway through February already. It's not too late to start LIVING. 

Start today. 

DO IT TODAY. 

Add a new paint brush to your repertoire. 

Throw in some new flashy colors. 

Try painting a landscape instead of the bowl of fruit on your dining room table. 

Go outside of your bubble. 

It's scary in the beginning but worth it in the end. 

❤,

Allie

The Food pyramid? PSH.

It's 2014!! A new year! Time to dive into wellness!!! 

Vitamins?

Protein shakes?

Fifty miles on the treadmill?

Three hundred push-ups?

Starvation?

Twenty-two miles on the stationary bike? (Been there, DONE that....a BILLION times!)

Corsets? 

That's the recipe for success, right?

Or how about those little pills that are supposed to "burn fat"? (HA!!!!)

OH & make sure you have multiple servings of grains every day. 

We have to follow the food pyramid, right? 

What about dairy? Gotta get your cow's milk in for the calcium, right?

Who needs veggies when you can have pasta & garlic bread?

ALLAKHAZAMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

(that's my SCD magic)

Get that nonsense out of your head. 

Don't fall for the colorful (yet deceiving!!) pictures of white bread, angel hair pasta, & a big glass of hormone-infested milk. 

Don't assume your dinner plate has to have something WHITE on it. 

Don't assume that killing yourself at the gym is going to get you somewhere. 

There isn't one right answer.

For some, maybe spending three hours at the gym is OK. 

Maybe splurging on a toasted bagel with shmear doesn't translate to "DEATH SENTENCE". 

This is the dreaded nature of the beast. 

WHERE IS THE DANG "EASY" BUTTON!?

You can look as far & wide as you want but you'll never find it.

You won't find it at the end of a rainbow, along with a big pot of gold.

You won't find it at the bottom of your Lucky Charms cereal box or your bag of Cracker Jacks. 

You won't find it where X marks the spot. 

Trust me, I've looked!!!! 

The trick is.....

Experiment. 

Figure out what works best for you & ONLY you.

For me, I have found that the gentler I am on my body, the better off I'll be.

Nothing too extreme exercise-wise, especially. 

 I find that it's a lot easier for me to stay afloat if I keep things neutral. 

As much as I'd like to LIVE at the gym (I sort of have in the past....), I'm not going to do that anymore.

It aggravates my leaky gut.

It messes up my mood.

It pisses off my joints.

It sets my insides on fire. 

It shoots my inflammation levels through the roof. 

It is ABSOLUTELY NOT worth the setbacks.

If you're anything like me & you have "extremist" issues that need to be satisfied, pick up yoga or knitting or crocheting or chess-playing or jewelry-making. 

I'm DEFINITELY not saying you shouldn't exercise. 

It's great for you!!

But, for some of us like myself with super fragile bodies, over-exercise will do more harm than good. 

It's our job to find a happy medium. 

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,

get plenty of sleep. 

Eat SCD (if you can; if your body craves it). 

Take care of yourself. 

You've only got one body! 

Give your body the TLC it deserves. 

That's what I'm doing. 

100% Lyme-friendly/modified SCD. 

Steaks for dinner.

Chicken for dessert.

Sleep. 

Happiness. 

Love. 

Lyme meds taken on time WITH food. 

WATCH OUT, 2014.

I'm prepared to win whatever battle you throw at me. 

 Come at me. 

I'm armed & dangerous with copious jars of chicken soup. 

LOTS OF LOVE, 

Allie 

❤

2013 ends on a lovely note

My plan was to post AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE throughout the month of December. 

A post every couple of days maybe.

I wanted to get as many hits as I could before the new year started.

I was hoping to maybe get another follower, too, if possible.

Well, 

THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN

and I couldn't be happier about it.

❤ 

Life had a surprise in store for me. 

A very special gift.

No, it wasn't wrapped up like a present under the Christmas tree.

No, I didn't find it in my stocking.

No, it's not something that can be bought.

No, it doesn't have a price.

I'm talking about something better.

Something DIFFERENT.

I'm talking about something invisible to the naked eye.

I'm talking about something you can't see from outer space.

I'm talking about something you can't measure.

I'm talking about something you can't explain.

I'm talking about LOVE.

The best medicine out there. 

The magic behind my smile.

The motivation I need to follow through with Lyme treatment/annoying alarms for pills every few hours.

The distraction I need from the curveballs my body throws at me.

The one thing I was missing.

I didn't know LOVE could be so healing.

I didn't know love was the missing link in my treatment plan.

I didn't know love would be the voice in my head, telling me to eat chicken instead of potato chips or cheese or bread or sugar. 

Am I READY for love?

Of course I am.

I don't want to over-think this.

I don't want to do what I do best; run away from affection.

I want to prove myself wrong.

I want to show myself there's nothing wrong with being afraid of love but that if love knocks on your door, run to the door as fast as you can & embrace that love with OPEN ARMS!

Don't run away from happiness, you goof!!!!! 

Don't be scared you aren't good enough.

Don't be scared your body will destroy the magic.

Just breathe & be YOURSELF, food issues/twitches/tummy aches/sore joints/sweating/dates interrupted/tiredness included.  

You are allowed to be HAPPY, no matter what foods are/are not on your dinner plate.  

Now that we've discussed the importance of love, 

get out there & SEIZE the day!!!!! 

The very last day of 2013! 

What to do, what to do.....

Cook some soup?

Make some zucchini pasta?

Do some yoga?

Read a book?

Watch a movie?

Blog?

Wear your fuzzy bathrobe around the house?

Sing in the shower?

Wear your favorite compression socks?

Get lost in the Twilight Zone?

Take a salt bath?

Smile a million times?

Make SCD goodies?

Go shopping for a New Years Eve outfit?

I'm sure you'll think of something.

;) 

Lots & lots of love, 

Allie

❤

PS Seriously though; what are your plans? Anything special?

Just when you thought you would settle for "mediocre"

Just when you thought you would settle for "mediocre". 

Just when you figured you'd just say "ok". 

Just when you feared things may never change. 

IT happens. 

Life happens.

Something happens that catches you off guard & forces you to reconsider your original assumptions. 

When you aren't looking. 

When you're distracted & suddenly no longer consumed with analyzing every second of every day. 

That's when IT happens. 

When your eyes are shut for that one split second.

When you change your focus from the target taunting you up ahead.

When you look down & your heart follows, leaving you in a dark place.

That THING happens.

In the midst of all the crap being thrown at you.

When you're exhausted from all the little ticks/miniature seizures. 

When you're tired of the loud & obnoxious screaming coming from your hips.

When you're ready for a date on your social calendar that doesn't involve four hours with an IV.

When you've hit a brick wall eating the same three foods every day. 

When you no longer can distinguish up from down. 

When you fear your best friend is your bathtub.

That is when this miraculous occurrence HAPPENS. 

I made it through another semester of school.

The hardest one on record.

The first time since my year at Frostburg that I truly feared I'd have to drop my classes.

It's not even that I lose interest in learning. 

It's not that I don't like school.

It's not that I don't want to commit.

My life just spontaneously clouds up sometimes & everything becomes a blur! 

I struggle, sometimes literally & sometimes figuratively, to get everything straight in my brain (gotta love Lyme brain fog!). 

THAT makes school really really challenging at times. 

Or maybe I just started a new protocol & it requires taking pills at odd, random, hard-to-remember times of the day & that can get exhausting! 

I was hoping I would make it to the end of the semester without having to pull the plug & I DID. 

I can't exactly tell you how I did. 

I can't say there's a magic mixture for success.

I can't explain how I overcame those days riddled with pain & no pain-killers while I had papers due. 

I don't have an explanation but it happened. 

It just happened & I am beyond ECSTATIC about it!!!! 

I'm ready for the next crazy task. 

I'm not afraid to fight.

I won't shy away from a challenge. 

War paint & boxing gloves don't scare me.

SUCCESS & FREEDOM & HAPPINESS scare me. 

I fear they'll be taken from me by these evil little bugs.

My next goal is to even out the playing field. 

My next goal is to be just as comfortable with success as I am with a fight. 

It'd be nice to put on some earrings & a necklace instead of war paint for once. 

;) 

Keep fighting the fight. 

That THING will happen someday when you least expect it. 

❤, Allie

sunshine, daisies, blue skies, and ANTIBIOTICS

I don't know what to say.

I don't know what to think.

I don't know how to describe what I'm feeling.

I am at a loss of words (in a mostly GOOD way!). *giggle giggle*

I started a new chapter of healing yesterday.

I looked in a different direction.

I put my faith into something I was unsure of merely 24 hours earlier.

I jumped without looking first.

I took off my training wheels & put the pedal to the metal. 

I started antibiotics yesterday.

I finally broke through the barrier I put up between myself & those pills.

For some reason, in my mind, antibiotics always = FAILURE.

I finally convinced myself that taking antibiotics DOES NOT mean I'm giving up.

Taking antibiotics DOES NOT mean I failed.

Starting these drugs DOES NOT mean I royally screwed up. 

Antibiotics are a push that I need. Antibiotics are help I've been too scared to ask for. 

I thought that because I had eaten Lyme-happy foods that I didn't deserve the antibiotics.

The ONLY thing that drove me to ask for the extra help? An evening on cloud nine.

I was invited to a get-together by a very darling friend of mine, Susan Green. 

She hosted a lovely dinner for the incredible, inspirational, Lyme-fighting, bike-loving, bearer of hope, John Donnally. He just completed a two-month cycling adventure that consisted of 4,000 miles across country to raise money for Lyme Disease Awareness: $50,000 DOLLARS!!!!!!!! (Here's a link to his wonderful story ❤)

I was in a lot of pain that day & worried I wouldn't be able to make the drive out to Susan's house so my dad came with me. (THANK YOU, DAD!!!!!!!❤) 

We stepped foot into her house & were immediately embraced by warmth & positive energy. I knew something unforgettable was about to take place.

Along with the pleasure of seeing dear Susan again, I was given the opportunity to meet a whole group of other warm-hearted individuals, several of which were very close to my age! 

Being able to talk to someone 22 years of age who is sadly going through the exact same crap as me, fighting the same relentless bugs as me, running away from the same darkness as me.... It was surreal. It was a connection I will never forget. 

After that night, after that unbelievably tight bond, I knew. 

I knew this could be beaten.

I knew I would eventually make it to the other side.

I knew I could get to a better place.

I knew "CAREFREE"would make its way into my vocabulary. 

I knew I would stop at NOTHING to be well.

I knew achieving wellness was my top priority & nothing was going to change that. 

I knew the impossible was possible.

I left the event that night knowing things would be different from then on.

I didn't care how it would affect me in school.

I knew that if I didn't get a strong grip on these bugs now while I had the chance to live at home & get help from my family, I may never have another chance. 

The time is NOW. 

I refuse to let my fears get the best of me. 

I'm going to take these antibiotics & FORCE them to work via positive energy.

My body will follow my mind.

In the meantime, I will keep my eyes on the target & I will keep moving forward.

In other words, 

❤Get lost in my favorite books on taxidermy, the plastic in the ocean, Stephen King horror awesomeness...

❤Forget what day of the week it is after spending three hours completing a complex rubber band bracelet.

❤Cross my fingers & experiment with juicing. 

❤Get excited about a new bottle of probiotics. 

❤Suspect Santa stopped by early this year when a brand new pair of COMPRESSION SOCKS showed up at my front door. 

❤Shed tears of joy when I think about being one step closer to getting my two-year degree. 

❤Spend any pennies I've got lying around on more Epsom salt & baking soda to fulfill my craving for DETOXING. 

❤Choose SLEEP over exercise. 

❤Go crazy with stickers on FB messenger. 

❤Listen to more classical music than I'd like to admit.

❤Watch enough Supernatural to add "hunter" to my resume. 

Who said killing bugs can't be FUN?

;)

❤Allie
PS Another blog post is coming soon!

STOP. BREATHE. SMILE. ❤

(First & foremost, SO SORRY for such a big gap between posts. 1a0z,cnbjktly8yitn4pt%60@#*!^azmnpq!)

STOP 

Before you continue, I want you to ask yourself a few things. Are you where you thought you would be at this point in your life? Did things go as originally planned? Are you right on track? Have you missed a beat or has it been smooth sailing?

If you're like me, the answer to those questions would be NO. I'm not at all where I thought I'd be by this age. Things DID NOT go as originally planned. I missed quite a number of beats & it's been far from smooth sailing. 

So, the question is, where do you go from here? Now that you've grown comfortable with coloring outside the lines, what are you going to tackle next?

Well, I've asked myself these "philosophical" questions about a million times. It's part of the package, right? ;) "Is this where I'm meant to be", "is this my destiny", "is this the right career for me", "should I be doing something else that might be better on my fragile health".... The list goes on & on. But seeing how I've been playing this game of tug-of-war for several years now, I've finally learned something. It's not as complicated as we sometimes make it out to be. It doesn't have to be as frustrating as we make it on ourselves. It doesn't have to be a letdown if we stand up & take action. What are you going to do next, you ask? 

"I DON'T REALLY KNOW".

How about THAT for an answer? I mean, who in the world ever said we had to have an answer to EVERY question? ;) What if we honestly don't know? Should we feel obligated to fill in the blanks? "Go to school, meet someone, get married, have kids, the end". Is that the happy ending everyone should reach for? What if you know what you want but you aren't sure the timing is right? I KNOW what makes me happy; there is NO doubt about that. But it's not the time for park rangering or zookeepering or archeologisting or bookstoring right now. I'm grateful to be making it through school; wasn't even sure I'd be able to do that. I have to address my health before I take on something as serious as a lifelong career or even a part-time job. I long to work from 9 to 5. There's nothing I want more than that hard adult life like everyone else when Fridays mean confetti drops from the ceiling & a loud speaker starts playing the oldies. BUT I have to take it day by day. Until then, I'll find other littler things to be happy about like...

ItMakesMeHappyCo., sister to my baking company (here's a sneak peek!!)

❤A new rubber band jewelry/accessories company.

❤Trips to the sauna.

❤Cups of hot chicken soup

❤Recently-added movies on Netflix.

❤A cup of wonderfully cold & crunchy ice chips to nibble on.

❤New soft & fuzzy pajama pants.

❤A software update on your phone that makes the widgets/apps look super high-techy. 

❤Salt baths with the light dimmed & a few drops of a gentle essential oil.

❤Road trips that don't end in tears from going off the grid BY ACCIDENT.
❤A nice big bottle of organic lemon juice aka a bottle of CONVENIENCE.
❤Extra zzzzz's.
❤Making new friends every day on my Facebook SCD Support Group Page from all over the world.
❤The best movie under the sun- "You've Got Mail".
❤Retaining information as your brain gets its groove back.
❤Bottles of sparkling water when you've got the itch for something fancy schmancy.

BREATHE

RIGHT NOW, those are the things I cling to. 
RIGHT NOW, those are the things I think about to keep me going. 
RIGHT NOW, the other things are on hold. 
They are NOT FORGOTTEN, just on the back burner until further notice.

And you want to know something? I think I'm finally OK with that. I think I've learned to be relatively content with the rate I'm moving at. I'll cherish the better days & I'll wish away the bad days. I'll keep moving forward toward the greener pasture in my near future. I can just start to see it. Pretty soon it'll come into view & it'll be all that I see; that day will be the most beautiful day of my life & I cannot wait to enjoy it with you guys.

We have to learn to say OK. We have to learn to say ENOUGH. We even have to learn to say SHUT UP. You have to dig real deep into your soul to find those words but it CAN be done.

SMILE

In the meantime, don't let a second go by without a smile on your face. Find something to trigger that grin. ANYTHING. A movie, a best friend, a cute pet, a new rubber band bracelet, :) a walk outside.... It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it works for you. 

I know you hear this all the time but it never gets old. DON'T QUIT. I'm rooting for you. Aways have, always will. 
❤

Lots of love, Allie

PS A WHOLE LOT more to come!! I've got some blogging "catching up" to do!